An Open Letter to General Hux

[Spoilers to follow for Star Wars: The Force Awakens]

Esteemed General Hux,













I hope all is well. I am a concerned Galactic citizen reaching out to you for the first time. Before I get into all of the specifics, I want be sure that I express my sincerest grief for the loss of your forces during the assault on StarKiller base. It was an unthinkable tragedy. I want to offer you some advice so that this kind of thing doesn't happen an unbelievable fourth time. 

In the aftermath of this failure, as General of the First Order your instinct is going to be "Now I have to build another superweapon." Don't do this. Just don't. "But this new superweapon will lack the vulnerability that led to the original's destruction." While that seems reasonable, trust me. It won't work. It NEVER works. Maybe you will destroy one target as a show of force. Maybe you will even learn the location of the rebel base. You will not destroy the rebel base. The rebels will regroup and attack ending with the base's eventual destruction. Many of the rebels grow as people along the way, developing stronger bonds with each other and the force. It's a huge loss for the First Order.

Instead, you need to focus on your strengths and the clear strength of the First Order is their ability to conduct a ground offensive. Every time the First Order sends a small fleet of troops led by Kylo Ren, they are successful. Every time. Do you need to capture a member of the Resistance? Ground offensive. Do you need to destroy a stronghold containing multiple Resistance targets? Ground offensive. Then why on Jakku is the answer to "How do we defeat the Resistance" (who appear to number in the 80's, if that) not just another ground offensive? Send Kylo and an incredible amount of StormTroopers to the Resistance Base. Don't bother with the superweapon. A handful of trained Troopers should be more than enough to win the fight.

Speaking of Troopers, you need to make sure if you ever see Captain Phasma again, you

Pictured: The Worst
fire her. She is THE WORST. I have a sinking suspicion that she escaped the StarKiller explosion, and if that is the case, you have to get rid of her ASAP. How is it protocol for the toughest of the tough Stormtroopers to just give you access to the shields when threatened? I'm not saying we need to start implementing cyanide capsules or anything like that (although I'm not saying NOT to) but setup some contingencies so that a couple of Resistance fighters can't just bumrush the highest ranking Stormtrooper and destroy everything.

Also, what does the First Order have against railings? In case you aren't familiar, a railing is a a fence like barrier composed of one or more horizontal rails supported by widely

Pictured: A Railing
spaced uprights. Think of it as a blockade separating you from falling to your death. For whatever reason, the previous Galactic Empire was completely opposed to using railings, possibly because it looked cooler, and it drove their insurance rates through the roofs. Having seen Starkiller base, I noticed a similar lack of any railings, even witnessing a person fall to their death from the most precarious catwalk in the galaxy. Now luckily for the First Order the person who fell was a Resistance fighter, but what is stopping a future casualty from being a Stormtrooper? Or a General? You are building the Death Star not the Accidental Death Star.

All in all, I think you did a lot of things right but you are clearly making some of the same mistakes the Empire made and we all know how that goes. Stop building super weapons. Fire Phasma. Install a railing or two. It's not hyper-drive science. I love the First Order. I think the cross guard lightsaber is cool and all of the spooky hooded guys are a good step towards the First Order’s ultimate goal of galactic domination/genocide/whatever. I’ve got a good feeling about this and wish you a lot of luck in the future.

Regards, 

Concerned Galactic Citizen
Share on Google Plus

About Matt Kelly

Matthew Nando Kelly is an incredibly cool and handsome staff writer for Pop-Break who was allowed to write his own bio. Aside from weekly Flash reviews, he writes about film, television, music, and video games. He loves U2, cats, and the New Orleans Saints. His twitter handle is @NationofNando